Now that Brenda and I have been together for nearly four years, we’ve shared the changing chemistry that occurs with relationship after the honeymoon. Remember the “happily ever after” that the Disney movie used to end with (before sequels became mandatory)? It’s normal for that ‘crushing’ – that exciting falling in love experience, to wear off in large part. The trick is to trigger more release of the amazing neuro-chemicals and fall in love again. And the good news is that it can be done.
The nice thing is that I can I in love with my mate again and again, and it keeps getting deeper. The blend of juicy love chemical cocktail and the “knowing” of a close friend is unbeatable. It’s OK to have rough moments, and we do, but getting stuck in them sucks. Then there’s no love chemistry. Affection has been replaced with resentment, anger, hurt and blame. So what is there to do?
Ready for Mitchell’s love secret? It’s a combination of making the relationship a priority, willingness to see myself clearly, releasing my childhood trauma, and luck. If you are not already in that magical relationship, this is a perfect time to work on you so you’ll be ready for someone worthy of your fabulousness when they do show up. And you are fabulous, whether or not you know it.
Brenda and I dance and occasionally we wrestle. This helps us since I tend to get overly analytical and that never helps me feel open-hearted and it’s super fun. Find what works for you. In my experience it helps to be moving my body.
We also do this thing called “processing,” which is a tidy word to describe an untidy method for cleaning out the goo that gets built up in our psyche. Done well it will open you up to life and love and make room for more you to expand into. I am grateful to Linda Chastain for teaching this to me – it changed my life.
OK, here’s my analogy: Love is like a pipe for the flow of love; all kinds of feelings can freely flow through it. In relationship, things can get “stuck” to the sides of the pipe and eventually build up, causing the flow of love to restrict and, unless the pipe is cleaned out, the flow of love is eventually cut off. The “I don’t love you anymore” experience can set in. Moments of true connection become difficult to reach.
If you want true love to last, keep regenerating the yummy brain chemistry with deep honesty and creative intimacy. Be playful a lot. If you want or need resources, you know where to go (Love Revolution). Mitchell